Moving on

So I've been out of communication for a while. And (as always) there is a good reason for it, which I will of course share with you. I've been thinking, and yes that requires time as you can never get a quiet moment in this house. Thinking about me, myself and I that is. About who I am, what I do, what my purpose is in life and where I see myself in ten years (hopefully not changing diapers anymore). And yes, there was a catalyst to all this time-consuming, soul searching thinking. A dismissive comment by a fellow mother to the effect of: "Oh, so you're only a stay at home mother, or should I say housewife?". Anyone in their right mind would not be pleased by such a comment. Anyone who knows me, realizes I did not take such a comment well. 

In any case, I have been thinking about what my role as a stay-at-home mother is and what the purpose of this blog is. Minada, which stands for "motherhood is not a diaper advertisement", in many ways summarizes all that I am: a mother. Yet my soul-searching exercise has made me acknowledge that I am in fact quite a bit more. I am a person who has interests, aspirations, wishes, dreams and most of all plans, some of which do and some of which don't relate to my children. Yes, I am a mother, but that is not the only way I define myself. By writing a blog dedicated solely to motherhood, am I not limiting myself, even if unintentionally so?

Now I could ramble on about my being, the soul-searching exercise I have undertaken and the many (and trust me there were many) conclusions I have come to. Most likely you would be falling asleep in the next two minutes. So here is my conclusion in short: I am Mrs B, mother to three boys, a wife to a wonderful man, an avid food lover and cook, a perfectionist to the bone, an organizing addict, a want-to-be amateur photographer, a gardener in training, a bargain-hunting shopping addict and and and.... 

So the time has come to bid farewell to Minada and move on with Mrs B's blog. Nothing much will change - my posts will continue along the same lines, just throw in some foodie posts, some photographs that I have been and hope to be taking and mix in a few more stories which don't focus only on my life as a mother.  The blog is still "under development" and I am (computer ignoratio that I am) trying to divert all readers to the new site, but that may take some time (which you know full well I seem to have little of). 

Minada has been fun, but it's time to pay a little attention to Mrs B now. Hope you will join me for my trivial tribulations and more...

Think you are ready to have children?

This link was sent to me by a friend earlier today.... I wish someone had sent this to me before I decided to have kids! Read it and I am sure you will be laughing as hard as I did.

Tick tock goes the clock

I have precisely nineteen minutes to write this blog, re-read it ten times and then post it. Not a problem I would say, given that I am a master at multi-tasking and can do anything faster than the speed of light (or so my boys seem to think). I can cook dinner for the children, fold two loads of laundry, iron bedsheets, feed the dogs, vacuum clean the floor (whilst simultaneously mopping it) and bake a cake all at the same time and all within less than fifteen minutes - I am after all, in the eyes of my boys, Wondermama! 

Slightly wishful thinking. Or is it? Standing in the kitchen this morning, a quick look at my "never-ending, everlasting, non-stopping, eternal to-do-list" reminded me that I had to feed the rabbits, finish off some ironing, check emails from the school, tidy up the boys rooms, make their beds, empty the dishwasher, prepare lunch, write three emails and make four phone calls - all with thirty minutes to spare before the school run. Now here is what motherhood has taught me: it is astounding how much I can achieve in five, let alone thirty minutes! Pre-motherhood, thirty minutes seemed to fly by and  meant a leisurely sit on the sofa with a cup of coffee and a magazine for entertainment. Wasn't really worth rushing around, ruining my manicure or even staining my new blouse in an effort to get the housework done. No, better sit down and relax - the housework could wait after all.

Times have clearly changed. Multi-tasking and time management have become an integral part of my daily routine, where I often even surprise myself how much I can get done in record time (isn't it great when we can still impress ourselves!). Even though I seem to be running from one task to the next, juggling ten things simultaneously, motherhood has taught me (I was of course oblivious to this until just now) to make use of time to my best abilities, whether that is folding another load of laundry or sitting on the sofa reading a book with the boys! Tick tock and so the nineteen minutes are up...

What would you want your children to know

A few months ago, not quite sure when or how or why, I stumbled across the blog "Finding Joy" written by Rachel Marie Martin. I'm not sure what struck me about her blog, but her posts seemed to reflect what was often on my mind (and could have been written by me, if mine would have been less eloquently). The never-ending to-do-lists, the trying to spend more time with your children syndrome, the guilt feelings most mothers have, the desire to do right by all but the inability to achieve this. In any case, after having read a few of her posts I realized that she has great talent to say what many of us mother's feel and think, combined with an ability to make you feel on top of the world again by the end of each post. Last week, Rachel posted a list of 86 things she wanted her children to know. An amazing list, every mother should make for herself and her children. Here are a few of Rachel's points:

1. Don't be afraid to try.

2. Be bold.

3. Stand up for your convictions.

4. Be kind.

5. Love your family.

6. Take care of those you love.

7. Don't lose the wonder in things.

8. Remember to say I love you.

9. Your family matters.


10. Get enough sleep at night.


11. Do not compare.


12. Trying isn't failing.


13. The joy is found in the little things.


14. Joy and happiness are different.


15. Happiness is temporary - joy remains.


Think the time has come to make a list for my boys.....

The full list: 86-things-i-want-my-children-to-know

What nobody told me

I remember, like it was yesterday, the moment I found out I was pregnant with my first-born son. It was somewhat of an unexpected (and that is an understatement) surprise, given that for fifteen years I had been told by more than a handful of doctors in three different continents that I would never be able to conceive. My husband and I had come to accept the fact that we would be childless for the remainder of our lives and had settled into a life of spoiling our dogs, enjoying our time together, investing in our careers, and planning trips to the most exotic places we could think of. Life was good, somewhat predictable, yet very comfortable. And then, in the most profound manner and in the shortest of moments, things changed. 

A dream we had not dared to dream was coming true and we embraced the pregnancy and the prospect of parenthood with all our hearts, whilst remaining shell-shocked for the next eight months (and trying to get married just in time). Having never considered pregnancy or motherhood a part of my "Master Plan" (and trust me, I had my entire life worked out in minute details), I found myself reading every book, blog and magazine imaginable to be "prepared". I tackled my new role in life like any deal or transaction I had worked on as a lawyer: inform yourself, read up, be educated, get organized and be prepared (oh, and purchase every gadget you can possibly imagine in a fruitless attempt to make those first few months of motherhood easier).

But, and here comes the big BUT, nobody and nothing, not even books, friends, blogs and magazines (or my own mother) can prepare you for what motherhood actually entails. Every pregnancy, every birth and definitely every child is different and all the advice given can only let you suspect what is about to happen to you and your life. So why am I sharing these thoughts with you? Very simple: a very dear friend of mine just spilled the beans and told me she is expecting her first. How excited am I? How sad am I not to be there (she lives on the other side of the world) and share this wonderful experience with her? In all my excitement I find myself wondering what advice I could or should give her? What tidbits of information could I possibly add to the mountains already out there? What do I wish I had known way-back-when but was never told?

Waking up with a nasty cold this morning, knowing that no matter how awful I felt, I had to get up, dress the kids, make breakfast, prepare their lunch boxes and bring them to school, the answer hit me: for the remainder of your pregnancy, enjoy (and I really mean enjoy) every moment that you are ill! Take pleasure from that feeling of being unwell, of having the option to call in sick at work, of lying in bed all day with a box of tissues and a box of anti-cold remedy watching the worst daytime television possible, treasure the fact that when you are sick you must do nothing other than take care of yourself and get better. Because from the moment that your bundle of joy is placed in your arms for the first time, your priorities will change and no matter what happens, being sick will never be the same again. Staying in bed with a cold, not doing the laundry, ignoring the dishes, not cooking, or even not getting dressed will no longer be options. With every cold, stomach bug, migraine or other illness, you will be expected to be in top-form, to keep the engine of the family running and to effectively perform as if your body is not being mauled by every virus or bacteria you can imagine. And even if you are lucky enough to spend a few hours recovering in bed, whilst your partner "takes control", you will never be able to switch off that "mother button" in your head - you know that button that makes you worry endlessly (and senselessly) about the silliest of things and makes you feel responsible for every aspect of your child's well-being. 

To my dearest friend (and to all women who are expecting or hoping to do so one day), my words of wisdom, as mundane and silly as they may be, are simple: Enjoy being sick for as long as you can! Oh, and make sure your medicine cabinet (get one now, if you don't already have one!) is fully stocked with DayQuil, Imodium and Buscopan - they will become your new best friends.